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Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Another lull, but the baby is still growing

I spent nearly 10 days in the East Coast, ranging from Burlington, VT, to Chicago, to NY, to Baltimore, to DC, and back to Burlington. All the while, Elisa was back home, alone.

"What if someone broke in the house?" She would ask, expecting a response. I thought of answering "nag him to death", but thought better of it. She needed a way to defeat this intruder, not give him added incentive to harm her.

Truth is, there was no answer I could give. Sure, I could point out that I'm not exactly a paragon of manliness, and that any intruder bigger than Pee Wee Herman would make short work of me anyway, but it was better to keep the illusion that I was somehow the family protector.

But I assumed Elisa would be fine. My real worry was my trip out east. You see, neither of us has life insurance.

Life insurance was never a priority. We're both professionals, and our biggest debt item -- our student loans -- would be erased if either of us died. Life insurance would be a waste of money.

But a child changes everything. Suddenly, the thought of dying isn't that fun anymore (it used to be a blast, believe me!). For the first time in my life, I actually felt mortal. And the fear wasn't for myself, but of leaving Elisa behind a single mother peniless. Granted, she'd probably remarry in about six months, but it would be a really long six months without my salary.

So I'm suddenly grappling with life insurance, trying to supress the distaste of buying what is essentially a bet on my life. If I die soon, we win. If I live a long and prosperous life, the insurance company wins. And I hate to lose!

Life continues to evolve. You expect to deal with diapers, and lack of sleep, and nesting mothers. It's the other little things that really drive home what a momentous change this baby really symbolizes -- things like caring whether I live or die.

I remember as a teen, expecting to get punished for my latest heinous deed, wishing the world would end in nuclear holocaust. Better our entire planet and life be extinguished than have to deal with my angry parents.

I've come a long way since.

by Kos | September 03, 2003 10:13 PM