« Day 37, 38 and 39: "I want a divorce!" | Main | Day 41 & 42: Stretch marks already? »

Monday, November 04, 2002
Day 40: hand-me-downs, baby puke, and diapers

It's a quiet, quiet day.

Our midwife has forbidden Elisa from wearing tight jeans or pants -- which effectively rules out all the pants in her wardrobe. So now Elisa thinks she has the perfect excuse to go out and buy, get this, shoes. And we're not talking a pair of granny orthopedic shoes for maximum comfort. We're talking girl shoes.

But all in all, impending parenthood probably won't be an expensive proposition for us. We'll be getting a ton of hand-me downs from friends, hopefully someone at Elisa's baby shower will have the wisdom and foresight to give the baby a set of Oakland A's pajamas, and what we can't get from friends (like a new car -- all our friends are cheap), we'll try and finagle from family.

As for food, we have lots of apple sauce in the fridge. I have few memories of my childhood (I have few memories of this afternoon), but I do remember that when my brother was a baby, I liked the Gerber's apple sauce far better than I did the strained peas or carrots. And since an "apple a day, keeps the doctor away", we'll be saving a ton on medical bills. Of course, I ended up eating all of my infant brother's apple sauces (earning his undying emnity), so who's to say I won't do the same for my child? For the baby's sake, we may have to stick with the strained peas after all.

But then again, what the heck is "strained peas"? How come I've never seen "strained peas" on a menu? I watch the Food Network on occassion, and I have never seen a recipe for "strained peas". If it's so good for the baby, why do we run as far away from it as we can as adults? Is it some bizarre cycle that dooms our entire species to repeat the same sick mistake from here on out to eternity? Are we so embittered by our own infant experiences with "strained peas" that we must get exact revenge on our parents by inflicting the same torture on our children? Alls I'm saying is that the government is abrogating its duties if it doesn't devote its full attention on this crisis, Osama Bin Laden be damned.

Speaking of strained peas, we're not doing disposable diapers. We've opted for a more environmentally friendly diaper service. Once a week I'll feel really sorry for the guy that has to come by and pick up the shitty diapers, but otherwise I think we'll feel good about sparing the local landfills 456,444 soiled diapers (in the first year alone). It will help offset the 5,787 gallons of baby puke our offspring will inflict on the planet (in the first year alone).

(By the way, in the time it took me to write that last paragraph, Elisa went to the bathroom twice. I'm so not kidding. She may have broken her record from last Thursday!)


What's new today? Well, how about the fact that the baby's heart output is 20 percent that of an adult (or 2 percent that of Lance Armstrong). The little pump is chugging away, and has begun to separate into four chambers. Baby teeth are starting to form, as are the jaw and facial muscles, earning this week's new nickname ("Jaws").

by Kos | November 04, 2002 08:40 PM