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Thursday, May 29, 2003
Day 99: Is it a boy or a girl

That's the age-old question. I'm content with whatever pops out. So long as it's not a cyclops or lizard boy (that first ultrasound still has me a bit suspicious).

But Elisa is singularly obsessed about knowing the sex of the baby. So, she has been collecting supposed tricks on determining the sex. We finally found this handy guide to traditional methods of determining sex here.The results are as follows:

If your left breast is bigger than the right during pregnancy, you're having a girl. If the right is bigger, it'll be a boy.

Elisa's right breast is bigger. Boy is ahead: 1-0.

If you get moody during pregnancy you are more likely to have a girl. This is because all women are moody, and when carrying a girl you become doubly so.

Elisa has been moody. Tie score: 1-1

If you carry the baby out front (others canít see your pregnancy from behind) then you will have a boy. If others can tell that you are pregnant when looking at you from behind, then you will have a girl.

It may be too early for this one, but no one can tell she's pregnant from behind. We'll tentatively give this one to the boy: 2-1

If the mother's age at conception and the year of conception are both even or both odd, the baby is a girl. If one is even and one is odd, the baby is a boy.

Elisa was 25 at conception, and it's 2003. Girl ties it up 2-2.

Ask the mum-to-be to pick a number. Match the number with the corresponding letter of the alphabet (A=1, B=2 etc). Then ask her to choose a name beginning with that letter. If she chooses a boys name, it will be a boy. If she chooses a girls name, it will be a girl.

Elisa chose 13, which corresponded to "M". She predictably said "Markos". We'll have to give it to boy, ahead 3-2.

If the mum-to-be was the more aggressive partner when the baby was conceived, it will be a boy. If the father was the more aggressive, the baby will be a girl.

Umm. None of your business.

If you suffer from acne during pregnancy, you will have a girl.

Elisa has had acne during this pregnancy, so girl ties it up again. 3-3.

What side does the mum-to-be lay on while she's resting? If she lies on her left, it's a boy; on her right, it's a girl.

She lays on her left. Boy is still trying to pull away: 4-3.

If young boys (pre-school age) show interest in you while you're pregnant, it will be a girl. If they ignore you, expect a boy.

I think she's ignored. Boy takes a 2-point lead! 5-3.

Ask the mum-to-be to show you her hands. If she shows them palms up, it's a girl; palms down, a boy.

She showed palms up. Girl making it close again. 5-4.

If you dream of girls, you will have a boy. If you dream of boys, you will have a girl.

Elisa dreamed of boys. What a comeback! Game tied 5-5.

Phew! So either our baby will be a sexually confused hermaphrodite, or that got us absolutely nowhere. I was going to flip a coin, but why bother? So I tried to go to bed. But Elisa didn't want anything to do with that.

She had heard from a Mexican-American friend that you could determine the sex with two chairs, a fork, two spoons, a chainsaw and three lawn mowers. Actually, it was even more complicated than that. And dammit, she wasn't going to go to bed until I set up this elaborate system of strings and pulleys to determine what the sex would be.

She really needed a tie-breaker.

Of course, in today's modern world, we can toss out all those silly old wive's tales and use silicon chips and electricity to do our prognosticating. The question becomes, however, should we.

I have been trying to hold off. I like surprises. On the other corner, we have Elisa who can't keep a secret to save the world and her gaggle of friends who complain they need to know what colors to buy for the baby shower.

Which hardens my resolve -- I mean, I hate baby blues and pinks. They are too cliche, too socially rigid for my tastes. On the other hand, I love greens and yellows and purples and reds -- all colors that work well with either sex. So by keeping the sex of the baby secret, I could force people to buy the very neutral colors I prefer.

Insidious, I know. I hope none of them figure out my evil plan. (If you are one of those who will attend Elisa's baby shower, stop reading three paragraphs ago. Thanks!)

The only problem is the ultrasound at the end of June. At that time we could theoretically know the baby's sex. I'd like to think that we won't ask. But jeez, I know I'll be looking really hard between the baby's legs. And to make things even more difficult, they will video record the whole event. So we'll go home, and like pervs, continue to look very hard between the baby's legs.

If we can count the baby's fingers and toes, how can we miss a penis? Of course, ultrasounds are still quite grainy. What if we mistake some granular noise for a penis, and start planning for a boy? Or what if we misread the ultrasound, fail to see a penis, and assume it's a girl?

Aaarghh!!!! No one told me impending fatherhood would be this difficult!

by Kos | May 29, 2003 09:39 AM